Saturday, 12 November 2016

I Can't Blog

I can’t blog. I’ve been pretending for far too long now. I try to write posts related to my books. Or I try to write a post on a happy, positive topic. But I can’t. I can’t do it. When I try to do it, it comes out forced. I don’t think it’s too horrible. I still think it’s okay. It just doesn’t seem, I hesitate to say great, but it just seems off, you know? Like a part of me is missing.

I Can't Blog
Blogging is hard for me. I never really got a handle on what the hell I’m supposed to blog about. Fiction is easy. Fiction comes straight from my heart and even if I’m not feeling particularly “inspired” I can still get into it pretty easily. But I can’t do that with blogging. That doesn’t work. I think of ideas and then they seem stale when I go to write them, or I can’t think of anything to say. And when the words do flow, when I do get an idea for a post, it’s sad. It’s about depression. It’s unhappy. It’s not related to my books. Nor really. And every post seems to be negative, and I don’t know what to do about that. I don’t post them, because I’m not supposed to. Because I don’t want people to think that I’m suicidal, which really I’m not, but I’m not entirely happy where I am in life. And so I don’t post them. And writing them is therapeutic, but then I still don’t have anything to post on my blog, and I’m back to square one.

I read a blog post on Kristen Lamb's website (sorry I don’t know the exact post), and she talks about blogging for an author platform, but also because it’s fun. And that’s great for her. I want to blog because it’s fun too. And I do like blogging. But what happens when everything I blog about is sad or negative or about religion (haven’t broached that one yet on this blog, but wouldn’t mind doing some posts), and I don’t want to blog about happy things or positive things because I’m not exactly happy right now. I’m not okay (but that’s okay). How do I reconcile this with my books? Hell, is this blog even really going to impact my books that much? At all? Or does it really matter that much what I blog about? I mean, Chuck Wendig blogs a lot about writing and pop culture, and I suppose about things related to his books sometimes, but not all the time. And it seems to work for him. And it’s not like anyone’s really reading this blog. I get like 20 views per post. But if you are
one of the people reading this blog, know that I really do appreciate you, and I’d love it if you’d say hi in the comments.

I get branding and finding an audience are important, and that blogging can help me do that, but I just don’t know if I have it in me. I need to write what’s on my mind, even if no one sees it. And I don’t know if I can just write about something like, I don’t know, something related to romance books just for the hell of it. Like separating me from we in a relationship. Not that I’m opposed to that sort of thing, I just don’t think it’s me. I need to write about what’s affecting me right now, and I’m not good at writing blog posts that I’m not emotionally connected to.

Maybe I just haven’t given it enough time. I haven’t exactly blogged regularly. Maybe I’d get better at it as I went along. But somehow I fear I wouldn’t. That it just wouldn’t work. Maybe I should just say “fuck it” and post the posts I’m not supposed to post.

What do you think?

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You knew a book plug was coming. 

Last Chance for Love: A Christmas Short Story by [Howitt, Emily]Alicia and Christmas have never mixed well. It was like the holiday was out to get her. But now a ghost is showing up in her room, telling her that time is running out. This Christmas might be the last chance she has at happiness. Well she find it? Or will the pattern of bad luck continue?

Available at these markets. Just click on your store.


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