Shambles

I feel like my life is in shambles sometimes.

Like I am floating through it with no idea where to go.

Like I am bouncing back and forth, trying to decide the “right” move.

Like I’m stuck in some sort of limbo and wondering if I’ll ever get out.

Like everything is cricking, or

cracking.

Breaking, and

shattering.

But on the surface is a smooth piece of glass that says:

I’m doing fine.

You don’t need to worry.

I don’t need to worry.

I’m doing fine.

I’m not doing fine.

I’m doing well enough, I suppose.

I have plans, I suppose.

But still there is that never ending, always there, lingering

doubt.

It never quite goes away.

Then there’s the shame.

Shame for not doing better.

Shame for not being further along in life.

Shame for not having it all together.

Shame for failing.

I heard once that millennials were all about “now”.

Getting what they wanted now, and not waiting.

Achieving everything now.

But I wonder if that’s true?

Or rather, I wonder if it’s because we feel like we have to.

We see all the success stories.

All the Mark Zuckerbergs.

We’re pumped full of believe in yourself.

Just believe in yourself.

BELIEVE in YOURSELF, and you can do

ANYTHING.

Work hard enough, and you can do anything.

But what happens if it doesn’t happen?

What happens if life doesn’t go where you thought it would go?

What happens if you’re not an instant success, and things take longer?

What happens if it never happens?

I don’t know.

But I do know one thing.

You can’t bank on success to make you happy.

You can’t bank on believe in yourself.

Because you fail. I fail. We all fail.

Sure, maybe you can do it. Maybe I can do it.

If we tried hard enough.

Really, really, tried.

But somehow I think it would ring hollow.

Somehow I think it would leave us emptier than before.

Because we would have achieved “the thing”, and we would still be

empty.

Unfulfilled.

Unsatisfied.

Missing Someone we desperately need.

Success cannot speak to our heart.

Success cannot love us.

More money will not make us happy.

It might fool us.

It might make us think we are happy.

Maybe even we will be.

On the surface.

But what about deep below where the volcano is bubbling?

No, my life may be in shambles but fixing it won’t fix me.

Because it will never be “fixed” quite right.

There will always be something.

Some problem.

Some issue.

Some do harder.

There is no rest in the endless pursuit of perfection.

But there is rest in God.

There is rest in God who doesn’t ask us to be special to receive his love.

There is rest in God who knew we couldn’t do it ourselves, so he did it for us.

There is rest in God who simply wants to love us.

There is rest in God who doesn’t make demands on us,

even the demands we think we have to put on ourselves.

Whose only real “demand” is that we trust him. That we love him and others.

There is rest in God who says we are his children, because he sent his Son to die for us.

For us.

You and me.

Not because we were special.

Not because we did anything great.

Not because we followed “the rules.”

But simply because he created us and he wanted us back.

Simply because God loves us.

So maybe my life is in shambles.

Maybe (definitely) everything’s not perfect.

I’m not perfect.

But it’s okay.

Because I don’t have to be perfect.

And neither do you.

Because God loves us.